Why New Year's Resolutions Are Designed to Fail (And What to Do Instead)

Every January, the same ritual plays out. You make a list. You feel hopeful. You start strong. And somewhere between January 12th and February, the whole thing quietly falls apart.

Then comes the familiar inner monologue: I have no discipline. I can't stick to anything. What's wrong with me?

Here's what I want you to know: the problem isn't you. The problem is that New Year's resolutions, as a system, are designed to fail.

I don't mean that metaphorically. I mean the structure of how most people set resolutions—the timing, the framing, the psychology behind them—sets you up to crash. And if you have a trauma history, ADHD, or a complicated relationship with food and your body, the odds are stacked even higher against you.

Let's break down why this happens, and what you can do instead.

The Statistics Are Brutal (And It's Not About Willpower)

Research from the University of Scranton found that only 8% of people achieve their New Year's resolutions. By the end of January, about 80% have already abandoned them.

The usual explanation is willpower—or lack thereof. But that explanation is both inaccurate and unhelpful.

Willpower is a limited resource. Psychologists call this "ego depletion"—the idea that self-control functions like a muscle that fatigues with use. By the time you've navigated a stressful day, made dozens of decisions, and managed your emotions, there's not much left in the tank for resisting the thing you promised yourself you wouldn't do.

But here's what most resolution advice misses entirely: for many people, the problem isn't willpower at all. It's that the resolution itself was built on a faulty foundation.

The Three Reasons Resolutions Backfire

1. They're Shame-Driven

Take a look at most New Year's resolutions and you'll notice a pattern: they're fundamentally about fixing something "wrong" with you.

I need to lose weight. I need to be more organised. I need to stop being so lazy. I need to finally get my life together.

These aren't goals—they're indictments. And research consistently shows that shame-based motivation doesn't work for sustained change. It might get you started, but it won't keep you going.

Why? Because shame triggers your threat system. Your brain interprets self-attack the same way it interprets external attack—with stress hormones, defensive reactions, and eventually, avoidance. When the resolution starts feeling hard (and it will), your brain associates that discomfort with the shame that started the whole thing. The easiest way to escape that feeling? Quit.

A 2022 study in Psychology Today found that resolutions rooted in self-criticism rather than self-care were significantly more likely to be abandoned. The researchers noted that shame-driven goals "destroy the self-belief needed to motivate change."

If your resolution starts with "I'm disgusting" or "I can't believe I let myself get like this," you're not setting a goal. You're punishing yourself. And punishment is not a sustainable motivation strategy.

2. They Ignore How Your Brain Actually Works

Traditional resolutions assume a neurotypical brain operating under ideal conditions. They assume you can:

• Plan ahead and stick to the plan

• Delay gratification indefinitely

• Maintain consistent motivation over months

• Remember your goals without external reminders

• Override habits with conscious effort

If you have ADHD, this list probably made you laugh (or cry).

The ADHD brain processes motivation and rewards differently. It's not that you lack discipline—it's that your brain requires different conditions to sustain effort. Novelty matters. Interest matters. Immediate feedback matters. External accountability matters.

A resolution like "go to the gym every day" works beautifully for about a week—exactly as long as it feels new and exciting. Once that novelty wears off, the ADHD brain moves on, not because you're lazy, but because your neurological reward system has literally stopped responding to the stimulus.

Research from CHADD (Children and Adults with ADHD) confirms what most ADHDers already know: "New Year's resolutions seldom work. Too often we set 'big changes' for ourselves, and we don't take into account the need for novelty, the difficulty of staying with a task once it gets boring, the forgetfulness and inattention that come along with ADHD."

And it's not just ADHD. Anyone with a trauma history has a nervous system that's been shaped by survival. If your body learned that safety requires hypervigilance, people-pleasing, or staying small, a resolution that asks you to suddenly take up space, prioritise yourself, or "stop caring what people think" is going to run directly into that programming.

You can't willpower your way past a nervous system response. We covered this with the fawn response—the same principle applies here.

3. They're Vague, Huge, and All-or-Nothing

"Be healthier." "Get organised." "Improve my mental health."

These aren't goals. They're wishes. There's no clear action, no way to measure progress, and no defined endpoint. Your brain doesn't know what to do with "be healthier," so it does nothing.

Even when resolutions are specific, they're often unrealistically large. "Exercise every day" sounds achievable on December 31st when you're full of champagne and optimism. By January 15th, when you've missed two days and feel like a failure, the all-or-nothing framing kicks in: I already ruined it. What's the point?

This perfectionism trap is especially common in people with anxiety, trauma histories, or eating disorders. The resolution becomes another arena for self-judgment, another opportunity to confirm the belief that you can't follow through, can't be trusted, aren't capable of change.

What Actually Works (According to the Research)

If resolutions are broken by design, what's the alternative? Here's what the evidence suggests:

Themes Instead of Goals

One of the most ADHD-friendly (and honestly, human-friendly) approaches is setting a theme for the year rather than specific resolutions.

A theme is a guiding principle, not a checklist. Instead of "lose 20 pounds," your theme might be "nourishment." Instead of "go to the gym five days a week," your theme might be "movement." Instead of "stop being anxious," your theme might be "safety."

Themes work because they're flexible. There are many ways to honour a theme of "nourishment"—some days that's cooking a meal, other days it's ordering takeout without guilt, other days it's eating the vegetables you actually enjoy instead of the ones you think you should eat.

You can't fail a theme. You can only practice it.

Self-Concordant Goals (Goals That Actually Matter to You)

Research by Deci and Ryan found that you're significantly more likely to achieve goals that are "self-concordant"—meaning they align with your genuine values and interests, not external pressure or internalised shame.

Ask yourself: Do I actually want this, or do I think I should want it? Am I pursuing this because it matters to me, or because I'd feel ashamed if I didn't?

Goals driven by genuine interest and personal meaning activate different motivational systems than goals driven by guilt or external expectation. The former sustains effort; the latter depletes it.

Tiny, Boring, Unsexy Changes

The most effective behaviour change is almost always underwhelming. It's not the dramatic January 1st overhaul. It's the small, repeatable action that becomes automatic over time.

Research suggests it takes an average of 66 days for a new behaviour to become a habit—and that's under ideal conditions. For complex behaviours, or for brains that struggle with consistency, it can take much longer.

Start smaller than feels meaningful. If you want to meditate, start with two minutes. If you want to exercise, start with putting on your shoes. If you want to eat differently, start with one meal, one day a week.

The goal isn't to impress yourself. The goal is to build a foundation that doesn't collapse under pressure.

Self-Compassion, Not Self-Attack

Here's the counterintuitive truth: people who are kind to themselves when they fail are more likely to try again than people who beat themselves up.

Self-compassion isn't about lowering your standards or letting yourself off the hook. It's about responding to setbacks the way you'd respond to a friend—with understanding, perspective, and encouragement to keep going.

Research by Kristin Neff and others has consistently shown that self-compassion is associated with greater motivation, less procrastination, and more resilience in the face of failure. Shame does the opposite.

When you slip up (and you will), try asking: What would I say to someone I care about in this situation? Then say that to yourself.

External Support and Accountability

Most resolutions die in silence. You make them privately, abandon them privately, and feel ashamed privately.

One of the most robust findings in behaviour change research is that accountability matters. This doesn't mean you need to announce your goals on social media. It means having at least one person who knows what you're working on and checks in with you about it.

For ADHD brains especially, external accountability can provide the structure that internal motivation can't. A gym buddy, a weekly check-in with a friend, a coach, a therapist—all of these create the external scaffolding that helps bridge the gap between intention and action.

A Note on "New Year, New You"

I want to address the underlying message of resolution culture: that you need to become a different person.

New year, new you. This is your year. Become the best version of yourself.

The implication is that who you are right now isn't good enough. That you need to be fixed, optimised, transformed.

I don't buy it.

Change is valuable when it serves your wellbeing, aligns with your values, and moves you toward a life that feels meaningful. But change for the sake of performing self-improvement? Change rooted in the belief that you're fundamentally flawed? That's not growth. That's self-abandonment dressed up in motivational language.

You don't need a new you. You might need new strategies. You might need support. You might need to understand why the old approaches haven't worked. But you don't need to become someone else to deserve a good life.

The Bottom Line

New Year's resolutions fail because they're built on shame, designed for neurotypical brains, and structured for perfection rather than progress.

If you want change that actually lasts:

• Choose a theme, not a rigid goal

• Make sure it's something you actually want, not something you think you should want

• Start embarrassingly small

• Expect setbacks and respond with self-compassion

• Get support—don't do it alone

And if you've already abandoned your resolutions by the time you read this? Good. Now you can try something that might actually work.

Free Resource: The Anti-Resolution Reset

I've created a free guide for anyone who's tired of the January shame spiral. Inside you'll find:

• How to identify whether your goals are shame-driven or self-concordant

• A framework for setting a yearly theme instead of rigid resolutions

• The tiny habit method that actually works for ADHD and trauma brains

• Self-compassion prompts for when (not if) you slip up

• Questions to help you figure out what you actually want this year

[FREE GUIDE LINK: The Anti-Resolution Reset]

References

Norcross, J. C., & Vangarelli, D. J. (1988). The resolution solution: Longitudinal examination of New Year's change attempts. Journal of Substance Abuse, 1(2), 127-134.

Baumeister, R. F., & Heatherton, T. F. (1996). Self-regulation failure: An overview. Psychological Inquiry, 7(1), 1-15.

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The "what" and "why" of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227-268.

Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion, self-esteem, and well-being. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5(1), 1-12.

American Psychiatric Association. (2024). Healthy Minds Monthly Poll: New Year's Resolutions.