The Barely Functional Human's Guide to Surviving December: Science-Based Survival Strategies for the Festively Exhausted

Are you running on fumes with December looming like a glitter-covered anxiety attack?

You're not alone. And you're not failing. You're just human in 2025.

This free guide is for you if:

• You've considered hiding until January

• Paper plates feel like a revolutionary act of self-care

• Your executive function left sometime in October

• "Festive spirit" sounds like a threat

• You're a mental health professional who ate cereal for dinner (again)

• You need permission to just... not

What You'll Get:

📋 A 7-Part Survival Manual that includes:

• The neuroscience of why you feel like roadkill (with helpful brain diagrams)

• The "Good Enough" Protocol (backed by actual science)

• Emergency scripts for family gatherings that actually work

• The Strategic Collapse Method (for when you need to fall apart efficiently)

• Neurodivergent-specific survival additions (ADHD & Autism-friendly)

• Permission slips you can literally cut out and keep

• The Parking Lot Protocol and other emergency interventions

Why This Guide Exists:

I'm a clinical psychologist with 26+ years of experience, and I wrote this at 2 PM in my pajamas because December doesn't care about your credentials. It arrives whether you're ready or not.

This isn't toxic positivity. It's not about thriving or finding your festive joy. It's about surviving December when you have absolutely nothing left, backed by neuroscience but tested by desperation.

Real strategies like:

• Why store-bought cookies ARE homemade (you made the decision at home)

• The 30-second mindfulness for people with no attention left

• How to Irish Goodbye without guilt

• Why cereal for dinner is actually a deconstructed grain bowl

Who This Is For:

• Exhausted parents

• Burned-out professionals

• Neurodivergent humans facing sensory holiday hell

• Anyone who's ever cried in Woolworths

• People who need permission to do December badly

• You, reading this at 2 AM, wondering if it's too late to cancel December

The Truth:

Sometimes the most professional thing we can do is admit we're human. This guide is science meeting solidarity. It's what I wish someone had handed me during my own December collapses.

Instant download. No email sequences. No upsells. Just help.

Because if we're going to survive December, we might as well do it together. With paper plates. And science. And inappropriate amounts of coffee.

"Finally, someone said what we're all thinking. This guide made me laugh, cry, and feel seen. Also, I'm buying paper plates." - Every December Survivor Ever

Download now. Thank yourself later. (Or don't. That's fine too.)